sometimes i wish i could just pick up all of my things and just run far, far away from here. i wonder, where would i go? and mostly, who would i be? would i be happier? stronger? to be unknown doesn't scare me, it's actually welcoming. being alone is what absolutely terrifies the daylights out of me.

my neurotic tendencies are pushing away the people i love the most - my family, my friends, and even my boyfriend. in the moment i always believe that something is wrong with them and that they are attacking me. but it is indeed, my problem. i get so worked up and nervous that i act way out of line and literally drive them all away.